So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
