Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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