I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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