I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
