i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
