Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
