We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
