I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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