I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
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I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
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you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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