I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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