I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
