You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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