next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize