would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
