I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize