We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Is it because I queefed?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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