Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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