I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
