so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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