so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
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Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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