He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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