he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I love you. Go after that dick
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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