Do you still have your period?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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