Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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