Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
