weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
tell me about the fingering
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