got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
