You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
