So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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