Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
