I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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