I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
