I just cut my nipple shaving
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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