as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
