Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Who died my cat blue again?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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