why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry about my life...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
