soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
