When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize