Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
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He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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