We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
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why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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