Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
