i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My pussy is not your playground.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
