I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
