just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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