This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
