I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
