to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
