Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
