So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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