Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
