BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
