Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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