My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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