operation harelip BJ is a go
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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