I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.