If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.