It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.