Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!