I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.