the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my sisters under your porch take her home
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
