You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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